What was your biggest fear around participating in the actual disclosure meeting?

PARTNER: My biggest fear was that I would hear something which meant that I couldn’t continue in my marriage. I had 2 things that I had decided would be deal breakers for me. I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t hear them, but I was still terrified.

I was also anxious that I may become overwhelmed, angry or distraught. I leaned heavily on the knowledge that if that were to happen, my therapist would be there for me at that point. This thought dramatically decreased my anxiety and therefore, that possibility that this would occur.


ADDICT: I was very worried that I would somehow “switch off” emotionally due to how tough the meeting would be. I feared that, if I did that, my words would not really fully communicate to my wife, just how I felt.

I was also troubled to hear that my wife’s therapist, a woman, would be there too and I had images of there being two “men haters” ganging up on me, judging me and telling what a horrible person I had been.

I also worried that my wife would get very upset, shout, abuse me and leave. I also feared that she wouldn’t believe me, especially that I had told her everything. In that case, I imagined I would have thought it something of a waste of time.

(I want to say that I don’t claim these fears — except the first one — were based on reality, but they were certainly in my mind.)