OK so here you are, you’re well versed on the harms of pornography and sex addiction. The powerful speakers who fight the battle against pornography have moved you. You want to rally to the cause, stand up and spread the word. You understand the science behind the addiction, the devastation, the loneliness and isolation that can ensue. After all, this message can be heard when the fighters beat the war drum, with every speech, every new video clip, every tweet, and every new horrific statistic. You get it!
No, I mean you REALLY get it.
You have felt trapped and angry. Already you are a casualty in this war; wounded in your heart and mind. Your wounds are not so easily perceived, and so you think you can keep them hidden. This addiction has already claimed you. You long to be the person you once knew, or the person you believe you are meant to be. For a flickering moment you vow to say goodbye to this addiction. After all, you just need to stop viewing, stop acting out in the addiction. Right? You feel motivated and empowered. You make a promise to yourself and maybe to someone you love that you are done with this addiction. You are not going to be controlled anymore!
If only it were that simple. The addiction is cunning, manipulative and very complex. Just closing your eyes and wishing for it to be gone is not enough. It waits for you and preys on your negative self-talk, past hurts, feelings of rejection and loneliness. It may even tell you that you have been good, so why not celebrate by acting out, or by watching some porn? The addiction tells you that it will be alright, you’ll feel so much better. You deserve it!
In this moment your brain is clouded over with distorted thoughts. Maybe, you will feel better if you just give in. Your brain has been hijacked! Your only focus now is to feed the addiction. You are so preoccupied thinking of potential opportunities to act out and you are filled with anticipation. You are driven, to find that one thing that will satisfy.
Now there is no turning back. You are in a trance like state and you find yourself going through the ritualistic motions. You’re turning on that computer, listening to the hum of the computer; you’ve locked the room door, your surfing site after site. There, you found it! Time passes, but you’re not sure how much time. You feel horrible. You promised yourself you were done with this addiction. But here you are struggling to make sense of it. How did this happen, yet again?
So here’s your choice, you can continue in this addictive cycle or you can reach out for help. You cannot do this alone. You have already tried that over and over again; it doesn’t work. Let us help you. LifeStar Alberta has been helping people just like you for years. We are professionals who are specialists in the treatment of pornography and sex addiction. We offer you real hope and can help guide your recovery with specific tools and strategies.
Choose hope, choose recovery, and choose life. Fight the fight.